Scribbled Down
by Kosu
Summary: When Sebastian Smythe meets Kurt Hummel, he knows his life will never be the same again. A tale told through coffee not-dates, scribbled words, a guitar, and one man's journey into beauty and new love. AU future!fic songwriter!Sebastian; Kurtbastian.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** All songs in this fic are by Secondhand Serenade, but in this Sebastian writes them in this. I have the whole fic outlined already, it's just a matter of writing it. It's going to be two parts, or three, I don't know. So here is part one, unbeta-d, and I hope it is not terrible.  
><em>Italics= singinglyrics._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything!_

— — — —

All throughout high school, Sebastian Smythe had thought himself as a player, by his own rules, with his own game. Never once letting the ideas of love or compassion play into his mind, at least where it counted. People were just conquests, new challenges, and new victories. To anyone whom he knew back at Dalton, or even back in Paris, would be shocked beyond belief at his change the summer between completing high school and beginning college in New York.

To himself, he knew the change was drastic to anyone from the outside, attempting to get a glance in. But he knew all along this was who he was. Most nights, hidden away from the prying eyes of mockery, he would compile songs, longing for the love he knew was too far out of his grasp.

Really, who in their right mind would want to delve into his mess, emotional baggage, and history attached. Failed relationships all around him made him realize that as long as he wasn't in it, he couldn't be broken.

He put up the front, hookups left and right, trying to bury those burning desires deep down. It was Ohio, after all. In his mindset, it was every man for himself. So he escaped, fled to the city of New York, minoring in music and mastering in medicine. Even two years in, studying most nights, but still picking up his guitar and writing those songs that eluded him for so long.

It wasn't until one of his friends from school stumbled upon his hidden talent, a sheepish (he would never admit that outloud) Sebastian giving a little impromptu concert and being persuaded to start performing at the local coffee shop. It was there he would finally find the right muse, the right atmosphere, and the right love.

— — — —

He'd played the coffee shop many times, gaining a small following. Regular customers usually smiled when he appeared, always leaving tips afterward and quick words of praise. It wasn't until a month into playing the coffee shop regularly, that a new face appeared, blatant interest etched across his beautiful face. Sure, he'd seen his fair share of pretty things, but he was something entirely of his own.

Sebastian's breath caught as he made his way onto the small stage, eyes trained on the newcomer, and glasses having fallen down the bridge of his nose. He pushes them back up, settling awkwardly onto the little stool that was seated before a microphone. Aside from the few regulars that stayed to watch, the other patrons of the shop paid him no mind, yet he can still feel the eyes of the young man on him. He keeps his eyes on the ground beneath him, before finally pulling his shoulders back and glancing up, a timid smile sliding onto his lips.

"Good evening, everyone," he starts, tongue darting out between his lips nervously, "As most of you know, I'm Sebastian. I won't bother with any more introductions and get right into the music. This is called Stay Close, Don't Go."

Suddenly, the quiet coffee shop filled with the music of his guitar, curious glances being shot his way at the first strum. This was what he lived for most days, being noticed like this, drawing the attention. Along with getting out the feelings he'd kept buried for so long, without the judgmental eyes of people who knew him. New York was great for new faces every day.

_"I know I've been selfish,_

_I know I've been foolish,_

_But look through that and you will see,_

_That I'll do better._

_I know, baby, I can do better._

_If you leave me tonight,_

_I'll wake up alone,_

_Don't tell me I will make it on my own..."_

He may have never been in love before, but he knew enough of what he'd want, how he'd act, what would happen, that he could form them into songs. One day soon enough, he hoped, it wouldn't just be him singing them to people who really only came because he sounded good. No, he would have someone to write them for, to sing them to, and to share them with.

_"Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,_

_I listen to your breathing,"_

Sebastian's eyes fell closed, hands still working diligently on the guitar on his lap, and voice stronger than ever. Today, he could just pretend he was playing for the beautiful man, who's eyes still hadn't left his position on the stage. _Only for today_, he thought.

_"And don't you know,_

_My heart is pumping,_

_Oh, it's putting up the fight._

_And I've got this feeling,_

_That everything's alright._

_Don't you see?_

_I'm not the only one for you,_

_But you're the only one for me..."_

What was one day out of the rest of his life? This was New York. Regularity was abnormal in the city. _You see new faces every day_, his mind reminded him, _you'll never see him again._

Don't leave me tonight,

This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies,

If you leave me tonight.

Don't leave me tonight."

— — — —

Sebastian packed up his guitar, sliding his pick into his back pocket and just giving a short wave as goodbye. The coffee shop went back to the usual music they played overhead, something classical, as he made his way off the stage. He slung the strap of his case over his shoulder and started for the door, only stopping to talk to the few people who came to say a few words.

If Sebastian was disappointed that he didn't see the new boy, he didn't let it show as he exited the coffee shop. The walk back wasn't that long, one of the main reasons he had deemed the place an ideal performance area. That and it generally was a very quaint coffee shop.

"Hey!"

A voice calling out behind him made him pause, his face scrunching up in slight confusion. Had he forgotten something back at the coffee shop? Turning back around on his heel, he came face to face with the boy he never thought he'd see again.

"Uh, hi," he managed, drinking in the boy's wind swept hair and pink cheeks.

"I tried to get to you before you left, but you seemed in a hurry, plus people kept getting in the way," the boy said, hands tucked into his pockets as his expression went to nervous, "I was just wondering if you wanted to sit down for some coffee and talk. You're a great singer, not too bad a guitarist either."

"Thank you," he replied with an embarrassed smile, eyes trailing back toward the coffee shop a block or two behind them, "Coffee sounds great. Let's go."

They fell into step next to each other easily, the shorter boy sneaking glances at him every so often when he thought he wasn't watching. Sebastian just chuckled, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

"Are you gonna tell me your name at all, oh mystery man? You obviously already know mine," he teased, unable to help the amused chuckle that came out when his cheeks flared up in embarrassment.

"Oh! Right, right, I'm sorry. I'm Kurt, Kurt Hummel," Kurt stammered out, looking down sheepishly at the ground.

"Sebastian Smythe. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kurt."

Kurt breathed out a sigh of relief next to him, before falling into a fit of contagious laughter. Sebastian soon joined in, their laughter only subsiding upon reaching the coffee shop. He got the door, holding it open for his companion, following in right behind him. They approached the counter, Kurt ordering his coffee while Sebastian just gave the barista a curt nod along with an easy smile. Everyone who worked there already knew his order, more than likely due to the reason he frequented the shop daily. Beside him, Kurt gave a little hum of acknowledgement, leading the way to the queue to wait.

"So what made you come here today? I haven't seen your face around before," Sebastian inquired, one hand resting back on the case of his guitar, the other toying with the napkin dispenser in front of him.

"My roommate, Rachel, told me about this place. She said they had live music ever Thursday and Sunday, so I decided to check it out. Plus, she practically bragged about how great the coffee was and that she was the first one to find out about it," Kurt rolled his eyes, but Sebastian could hear the fondness in his voice, "So that's how I ended up here. I'll probably be back more often, the coffee really is better than anywhere else I've been. What about you?"

"Same story, almost. My friend told me about this place and said I should come preform. So I'm here every Thursday and Sunday, when they let me. But I do come here daily, it's the best coffee near campus."

Collecting their coffee, they made their way through the coffee shop until finding a corner in the back. Sebastian slid off his guitar case and propped it against the wall before taking a seat, one arm draped over the back of the chair. Kurt settled down across from him, both hands clasped around his warm cup of coffee.

"Major and minor?" Kurt asked, and Sebastian could tell he was trying to keep the conversation and subjects light.

"Majoring in medicine, minoring in music," he replied easily, taking a sip from his coffee before continuing, "And yourself?"

"Majoring in musical theater, minoring in fashion design."

"I'm impressed. Does this mean you sing?"

"I do! I was in my high school's Glee club. Placed second at Nationals senior year," Kurt stated proudly, a smile lighting up his features.

"You don't say? I was in my high school's Glee club as well," he replies thoughtfully, "Lost at Regionals, though I continued to sing and play even after that. In the safety of my board room, that is."

"Board room? Did you go to a boarding school?"

"Dalton Academy, it's in Ohio," Sebastian replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh my god! I'm from Ohio too, actually our Glee clubs went against each other at Regionals. The New Directions?" Kurt's eyes seemed to light up, finding someone from his old life in his new one.

"Well, isn't this a small world," he smiled, taking another drink from his coffee, "I didn't really expect to see anyone from Ohio here. I mean, yeah, there's probably plenty of them roaming New York, but to stumble upon each other in a coffee shop like this. Just, wow."

They continued to talk, slipping in and out of topics, and even into comfortable silence at times. Kurt talked about his crazy roommate and rigorous college courses. Sebastian talked about writing songs and performing, though he knew he'd never really get anywhere with it. Medicine was his fallback, even if it was his major. Hours passed by easily, more coffee was order, and stories were shared. It wasn't until Sebastian glanced down at his watch that he realized where the time went, his body springing up from his chair.

"Shit. I've got a paper due in the morning and I haven't even started it yet," he said sheepishly, looking down at Kurt with an apologetic look, "It really was nice meeting you Kurt, I had a great time. But I really should get going."

Kurt shook his head, smiling up at the other boy before slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I should probably get home anyways, Rachel is probably wondering what happened to me."

"Wait, give me your phone," Sebastian said when it looked like Kurt was about ready to take off.

The boy handed over his phone and Sebastian typed in his name and number, before handing it back to him. They walked to the door, again with Sebastian holding it open for Kurt, stepping out into the cold winter air.

"If you ever want to talk, I put my number in your phone. Though, you know where to find me," he finally said, gesturing back toward the coffee house, "But until then, take care of yourself Kurt. I'll see you around."

"You too, Sebastian."

With that, they parted ways, Sebastian heading back toward his apartment a block away from campus. His hands were stuffed deep in his pockets, his fingers playing with the cap of the pen he always kept on him in case of inspiration. The city around him burned bright in the night, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Even after spending two years in the city, it never seemed to dull, new surprises everywhere.

"Kurt," he whispered allowed, testing the boy's name on his lips, a full blown smile coming on now.

He closed his eyes, having taken the same route home every time he was able to navigate it with his eyes closed. It wasn't long before he arrived home, taking the stairs to the fifth floor, unlocking his apartment and stepping in. He shrugged off his coat and guitar, settling into the living room with a glass of water and his laptop. In the silence of his home, he let his eyes drift close, basking in the warm memories in the form of Kurt Hummel.

From what he learned of the boy, he was opening gay, (as if it wasn't obvious enough, Kurt had said himself) he loved musical theater, fashion, was from Ohio, and had the most beautifully complicated eyes Sebastian had ever had the chance to see. He let his musings run for a few more minutes before his eyes popped open, hand itching from the pen in his pocket and the paper that lay on the coffee table.

When inspiration struck, who was he to deny it? So he wrote:

_Turn around,_

_Turn around and fix your eye in my direction,_

_So there is a connection..._


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Yeah, this took forever to get out. I was busy the last couple of days, procrastinated quite a bit, and saw the Hunger Games! This update is kind of angsty. I'm not really used to writing angst, more of a just fluff and die person, so I hope this is okay! Next update should be either sometime Wednesday or Thursday, depending on how distracted I get. (Again, unbeta'd! So please bear with any mistakes I've made.)

— — — —

_I can't speak,_  
><em>I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention,<em>  
><em>I'm staring at perfection.<em>

The words had been plaguing him ever since he met the boy, Kurt Hummel, at the quiet coffee shop a few blocks from his apartment. Every thought, every word, kept spinning in his head, always coming back to him. Sebastian knew it was more than what his mind would let him think, but the prospect of seeing him again was low. What was he thinking, taking his phone and giving him his number? He probably thought Sebastian was pushy, a little too straight forward, a little too under him. Of course, why would anyone want to spend another day with him?

But he couldn't shake the fact that Kurt had sought him out after his performance, he had initiated the conversation and the offer for coffee. It was that little bit that kept him hanging on, clinging to that tiny shred of hope.

Sebastian sighed, pushing the scrap of paper into his jar he kept most of the jumbled lyrics he wrote. Every now and then, he'd sort through them to see which ones made the most sense and proceeded to write them into a song. Half of them seemed to make something suitable, while the rest were just his thoughts and made no sense put together. So far, the jar only contained the last two he'd written since meeting Kurt. _Kurt _was scribbled on a piece of tape on the front of the jar, a last minute decision he had made the other night after meeting him. There was just this feeling deep down inside that somehow, something great would come out of this. Either it be a new song or new opportunities, he didn't know.

"What am I getting myself into?" he muttered to himself, pushing his hands through his hair and resting his face in his palms.

It had only been a week since he'd seen him, but the last two times he performed, Kurt was no where to be found. Neither was he there any of the days Sebastian showed up for his regular coffee. In the end, Sebastian started to worry he'd never see the other boy again. He had given him his number, but hadn't ask for Kurt's in return.

"I'm hopeless."

His phone vibrated on the table next to him, but he ignored it, favoring to pack up the guitar and everything else he needed. Shoving the phone into the pocket of his hoodie, Sebastian slung the guitar over his shoulder and grabbed his keys, making his way out of the quiet apartment. Halfway to the coffee shop, his phone vibrated again in his pocket, causing him to pause long enough to fish it out of his pocket. Unlocking it revealed he had two unread texts from an unknown number. His heart practically leapt out of his chest at the possibility it could be Kurt.

**(12:20): **I just realized I never gave you my number, so I hope you don't think I'm just some random person. This is Kurt, by the way, if you didn't get that!

**(12:23): **Also, are you playing this afternoon? If so, I'll be there. :)

Sebastian's face lit up in a dopey grin, his fingers flying across the screen of his phone, typing out a quick text to Kurt to confirm that yes, he was playing today, and that now his number was saved in his phone for later reference.

To say he was disappointed upon entering the coffee shop and not seeing Kurt there was an understatement. The boy had said he would be there, so Sebastian had expected him to be front row and center, just waiting for him to arrive. But that was stupid, wasn't it? They barely knew each other and Sebastian knew he was just being creepy now. There was nothing going on between them, they were friends. Were they friends? It hadn't been established yet, but he assumed they were. Especially if Kurt was texting him now. Friends? Yeah, he could handle that.

It wasn't long before he was set up on stage again, coffee and a water bottle parked at his feet next to the stool he was perched on, guitar in hand. He moved the mic a bit, leveling it to a good spot before leaning in and smiling at his audience. The jingle of the bell above the entrance door caught his attention and his eyes drifted over, catching onto the person who quickly took a spot at the back of the line. Green eyes met the most beautiful shade of glasz. For a moment, his breath caught in his chest and his nearves were set on fire, causing his body to heat up. He must have been blushing now, as he tore his gaze away from Kurt with a small wave.

_Friends_, he thought with a sigh, shaking his head and putting his fingers into position on the guitar beneath him, _I can totally do that._

He quickly launched into his first few songs, trying to get into a good vibe and rhythm, slowly working out the nerves that were still biting at the edges of his mind. There was no way he was going to make a fool of himself, in front of Kurt, now that he knew him on a somewhat personal level. Okay, not very personal, but more so than he knew anyone else in the coffee shop. He couldn't mess up, or forget the words, because finally for the first time since he'd started playing, he had someone worth doing it right for.

The minutes flew by, along with the nerves, his body going slack and relaxed, that inescapable zone he got into when he was playing. When the song ended, he leaned over and took a quick drink from the water bottle, clearing his throat as he did.

"This next song a little deeper, you could say. I wrote it back in high school, my senior year, when I was struggling with my family. First time I've ever played it for an audience, actually. So go easy on me," Sebastian explained, chuckling as he said the last words, "It's called Pretend."

_"It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth,_  
><em>How did I get here? What did I do?<em>

_Your eyes, telling me lies_  
><em>And making me find myself<em>  
><em>While you have your agenda, a life to pursue..."<em>

Sebastian lifted his gaze, catching Kurt's eye for a moment and smiling sadly, his fingers still working on his guitar like it was a second nature. He had no idea why he chose to sing this song tonight. It was one of those songs he kept for himself, to remind him of what used to be, and what was now. _Too late to change my mind now_, he thought,_ otherwise I'll just look like a complete idiot_.

_"So please,_  
><em>Let me be free from you.<em>  
><em>And please, let me be free,<em>  
><em>I can face the truth.<em>

_I'm blind to all of your colors,_  
><em>That used to be rainbow then,<em>  
><em>My eyes, where did they go to?<em>  
><em>Why disappear?<em>

_It's hard to be all alone,_  
><em>I never got through your disguise,<em>  
><em>I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear..."<em>

It wasn't that his parents would bad people, they just had a reputation to uphold and masks were always on display, even at home. They weren't always like that, especially when he was younger. Light of their life, they had said, but it was until he reached high school that they started drifting, work was more important and trips were made, leaving him alone most months. He'd always been able to take care of himself sense then, which was just enough motivation for him to get far away from their eyes. If he hadn't escaped, who knew what he'd be doing today?

_"So please,_  
><em>Let me be free from you,<em>  
><em>And please, let me be free,<em>  
><em>I can face the truth.<em>

_Put down your world,_  
><em>Just for one night,<em>  
><em>Pick me again.<em>

_So please,_  
><em>Let me be free from you,<em>  
><em>And please, let me be free,<em>  
><em>I can face the truth."<em>

He ended the song with a strained smile and a muttered thank you, before switching and delving quickly into another, more upbeat and light hearted song. For awhile he tried to avoid Kurt's stare he could feel piercing into him, but it wasn't long until he was staring straight at him with a more eased smile. Kurt smiled widely back at him, his hands coming up to dab at the corners of his eyes. His smile was what kept Sebastian going through the rest of his set.  
>— — — —<p>

It isn't until the third time they see each other again, that Sebastian finally invites Kurt back to his apartment to hang out. After Kurt had come to watch him, they started texting more and Kurt even appeared at the coffee shop when Sebastian wasn't playing a set. Of course, before he would even let Kurt come into his apartment, he hid the jar with this name on it and the two scraps of lyrics in it. No sense in coming off as a complete creep to this new found friend.

Sebastian opened the door to his apartment nervously, stepping back away from the door to let Kurt in first. Once the other boy was in the hall leading in, he closed the door behind them and slipped off his shoes. Kurt soon followed suit, a timid smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"This is my apartment. Sorry it's not much and it's kind of boring," he explained hurriedly, leading the shorter boy into the living room.

His apartment was a pretty good size, seeing as he lived alone. There was two bathrooms, one leading off from the entrance hallway and the other coming out from the master bedroom. There was also a guest room, a laundry room, and a small kitchen. The wall of the apartment were a warm tan color, the furniture accenting it and bringing the rooms to life. There was a widescreen tv set aside in the corner, a lone couch facing in it's direction, and the coffee table lay between the two.

"Here's the living room," Sebastian said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm not very good at picking things out, so it's just kind of hastily put together."

"It looks nice," Kurt replied kindly, throwing Sebastian a smile, "It looks very homey and well lived in, which are always good elements. I can tell you spend a lot of time in this room."

"Yeah, this is where I do most of my work and writing."

"Oh? Have anything you care to share?" the shorter boy teases, waggling his eyebrows in Sebastian's direction.

"No way! You've heard plenty of my stuff. I don't really have anything in the making as of right now," he lied, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth, "Maybe sometime, though."

And he means it. Maybe, one day, he'd be able to share the song that was nagging at him. There were just things about Kurt Hummel that needed to be written down and sung about, just not in public or even in private. Yet.

They settled onto the couch with a bottle of wine, two glasses between them. It was easy being there with Kurt, talking about nothing too serious. Even after the times they'd hung out, sipping coffee down at their regular place, they kept the conversation light. The deepest they'd gone was when Sebastian told him the story behind the song he'd sung the other night. It was all the past though and he was very comfortable with Kurt, his mouth running off without his permission.

Hours passed, Kurt having gone through two glasses of wine, and three for Sebastian. He was feeling the buzz at the edges of his mind, an idiotic grin settling onto his face. Across from him on the couch, Kurt was starting to look similar, though definitely not as much as himself. Since they started drinking, the conversation started to drift toward heavier things. Life back in Ohio, struggling with coming out and accepting who they were, to past relationships.

"I've never been in a relationship before," Sebastian admitted, his head dipped down and eyes seeking out Kurt from beneath his lashes.

"Never ever?" Kurt asks bewildered, "But you're an attractive man. I'm sure boys are just throwing themselves at your feet on a daily basis."

"Oh, I've had plenty of hookups. Just never a relationship. I was too afraid, so I put up this front as a player so I wouldn't get hurt. It hurt enough being alone all the time because my parents were always away, I couldn't handle having someone mess me up even more."

Kurt just stares at him for a long while, his eyes seeming like they're trying to pick him apart. It isn't long before he's grabbing Sebastian's hand in his and rubbing his thumb along his knuckles. It's soothing and it's at that moment that Sebastian realizes he's almost crying, the tears prickling at the edges of his eyes. Kurt is the first one he'd ever told this to, the only one to know the real motive behind why he threw himself around and pretended that it didn't matter. He doesn't know why he's telling Kurt all of these things about himself that not even his friends know. There was just something about this boy though, that made him want to spill of his secrets, so just come clean. When Kurt finally speaks up, Sebastian has concluded that this boy before him is his best and only close friend he's ever had.

"I've actually only had one boyfriend. Back in high school, everyone thought we would be together forever. I thought so too, once upon a time," Kurt starts, his hand squeezing Sebastian's a little tighter, "Then I left for college and I guess the distance was too much for him. He cheated on me one night when he got drunk with some old friends of mine. I found out when I came home for spring break, and he pleaded and begged, saying it didn't mean anything. I wouldn't have been as mad if he had actually told me after it happened, instead of a few months later."

Sebastian stared, the grip on his hand loosening, only to be reclaimed by his own, hoping to give Kurt the little bit of strength and comfort he'd given him not even moments ago. Maybe it was for himself too, just a little bit. Because the boy in this story, he wanted to punch him right in the face for doing something like this to Kurt. From what he could tell, Kurt was just perfection. Smart, sarcastic, caring, and just something else entirely. Hearing that his first relationship had ended like that just made Sebastian's heart ache for him.

"I haven't really felt up for anything after that happened. I mean, was I not good enough for him anymore? I've always had these self-esteem issues when it came to him, because god was he beautiful, desirable, unlike myself," Kurt chuckles bitterly, clenching his other first, "And now they've just kind of stuck after all that happened. I used to be so out there, so proud of myself and who I was, until he came in."

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Sebastian whispered softly, his arms coming up and pulling into the boy into an unconscious hug. He wasn't even sure he was doing it until Kurt was resting against his chest, tears soaking into his shirt.

"It was a long time ago," he managed to croak out, pulling away from Sebastian and staring up at him with a sad smile, "And I'm kind of over it, it's just that there's these lingering feelings and everything. Plus, I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Rachel, sure, but some things are better talked about with someone of a third party."

They sat there in silence for awhile, Sebastian rubbing small circles into Kurt's back, his head leaned back and against the couch. Beneath him, Kurt sighed softly and played with the rip in Sebastian's jeans. He closed his eyes for a few moments, taking in all the information he'd just been presented with in the last minutes that had passed. When he reopened them, Kurt's hand was limp against the couch, his breathing evened out and eyes closed serenely. A smile tugged at Sebastian's lips as he extracted himself from the boy and carried him carefully to the guest room.

"Where are we going?" Kurt mumbled into Sebastian's shoulder, his eyes opening slightly, heavy with sleep.

"You can stay in the guest room tonight," Sebastian replied, setting the boy down onto the bed and taking a step back, "There are extra pajamas in the dresser, the bathroom is right through there, and if you need anything don't be afraid to come find me."

He moved to the door and glanced back at Kurt who was making his way to the dresser. Sebastian stayed there for a moment, just watching before he shook his head and moved to leave the room.

"Sebastian?" came Kurt's voice from behind him, causing him to pause and turn around.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Anytime, Kurt," he replied, a smile tugging at his lips as he entered his own room.

Sebastian slipped into his pajamas and crawled into bed, under the covers. It wasn't until later that night when he was laying awake that the words came to his mind again, causing him to flip over and pull out his pen and paper to scribble them down hastily before they eluded his sleep deprived brain.

_Take a look at me so you can see  
>How beautiful you are...<em>


End file.
